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[ P ] Terrible Ideas
#1

It had been a long night, one he had spent staying up thinking about what he should say to her. Nothing sounded right and he knew when the time came it wouldn't come out the way he'd practiced anyway. So he'd stopped trying and simply decided to see what would happen. A breath escaped him as he continued walking, following her scent through the endless fields as the sun began to peek over the horizon. It cast shadows over the hollows and he saw her silhouette, tall and beautiful in the near distance.

Violet eyes lingered on her a moment, admiring her as he found himself frozen in fear. He had never been able to tell what others were thinking, and maybe he was mistaken when he imagined the way she looked at him.

Old anxieties filled him and he thought about running, but surely she had seen him by now and there was no way out. He drew in a breath and approached her. "Faun," her name was a breath on the wind, taken too easily as the breeze blew between them.

He was glad to see her, as always, and he felt a sense of calm he hadn't felt in a while. The worst of his anger had been sated, but when he looked at her he felt guilty. Wind ruffled their coast, light and dark. He gazed at her in the subtle light. "I..." he paused, trailing off and letting his words fall away in the wind. They were choked from him and he sighed, glancing away. He knew all that practice would have been a waste because as always he was unable to speak what was on his mind. He was unable to ask her the one question that burned on the tip of his tongue. So he closed his mouth and he sat down among the bluebells. "I missed you," was all he could manage.

"..."
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#2



It was early, and Faun found herself stuck. The Romani had risen well before the first light of morning and she'd wandered a bit too far from the lake to fall back into the safety of the Outlaws. When the early morning sun eclipsed the horizon, her wounded eyes couldn't take the intensity of the brightness and while she could still see shapes... navigation was difficult. It was a weakness she'd yet to confess but until it became worse or more hindering she was disinclined to draw attention too it. There was nothing anyone could do about it and it made no sense to cause unnecessary drama. Faun opted to lie down, lithe frame draping over the vegetation gracefully. She closed her eyes, settled her chin between her paws and let her other senses expand. The sound of birds twittering endlessly dragged a smile from her, the scent of the flowers in full bloom caused a shiver to cascade down her spine and the whisper of the wind was just heavy enough to keep her cool. In short, it was a beautiful morning... and she didn't need her eyes to see that.


Truly, it was the little things in life that inspired Faun the most.


When Sinclair arrived she was half asleep, cradled by the innocence of a waking world and if he hadn't called her name, summoning her back from slumber, she might have missed him entirely. As it was, he spoke her name so gently that she swore she was imagining it. Her skull lifted and her head twisted towards the source of the sound, but the world was still too bright and her dilated eyes were focusing a touch to Sinclair's right instead of being directly on him. "Sinclair?" As always her accent warped his name but instead of being confident in her greeting, it sounded more like a question.


Her ears twitched as she heard grass crunching beneath what she presumed was paws but when he spoke again, she smiled gently, tail curling against her thigh. "Miss me? I have gone nowhere." The words were a bit rough from sleep but carried a light and airy melody to them, a singsong of gentle amusement. "Do you miss my Romani charm? Songs? Being splashed?" She was teasing him now, body lax and at ease from her place amidst the flowers. She sobered after a moment though because even if she couldn't see him all that great for the time being she could sense an unsettled air about him.


"Is something wrong? You seem... down." Maybe not the best description of Sinclair's current mentation, but an accurate one all the same or so she presumed.

"Baby you should let me go, I'll love you through a periscope"

table ▶▶claerie. manip ▶▶ raven
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#3

The way her accent wrapped around each syllable of his name made him feel so... strangely warm. He wanted to move closer to her, but he refrained for the moment. He couldn't risk losing his words any more than he already was. Playful words danced on her tongue and he offered a somewhat solemn smile. "All of it," he said. Whenever she was away, her presence was missed. He remembered her invite, but knew in his heart he could not submit to whatever wolf she called her Alpha. It seemed she noticed his somewhat melancholy mood and he sighed, trying to laugh it off as he had seen many a wolf do in a way that played off their sadness. He was not so skilled at the act.

"I... have just been thinking a lot," as usual. He had yet to call his family to him; he was hesitant for many reasons. Familiar faces had revealed themselves to him, old habits had returned and yet something new stood before him now. As he looked at her, he couldn't help but want to reach for it.

The differences between them didn't matter. Everything he should be thinking about, he wasn't. All he could think about was how much he wanted to ask her "Faun, I... I wanted to ask you..." he paused, shaking his head and feeling ridiculous. Had he ever... asked this question before? With Lye he felt like things had just... happened. One moment they had been, then the next they had been together. Just like that, their fates had been sealed. There was never any reason for defining blurred lines. Things were different now; he felt like he would have to define things here, or someone was going to get hurt and he didn't want that. He knew what he wanted now, but he could not assume what she wanted.

Sinclair glanced down, his ears flicking and then he lifted his gaze again and drew a breath. A part of him knew why this was so hard. He feared rejection, but he just forced himself to ask now "do you want to... be with me?"

"..."
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#4



Silence stretched between them and while Faun caught his melancholy mood she didn't force him to confess his weighted conscious. Much as always, it wasn't her job or obligation to push or demand. If he didn't want to tell her, he didn't have too and that was alright with the Romani. Some thoughts were just... too much to be voiced without repercussion. He confessed that he'd been lost in thought and Faun nodded, merely accepting the explanation. She curled one forelimb against her chest and settled complacently back within the grass. She still couldn't see all that well, better to be presumed lazy or lackadaisical than handicapped. She feared the day her damaged eyes failed her all together more than she cared to admit, but... she had no more control over such a thing than she had control of the tides or the wind. The only thing she could do was hope she never had to endure it.


Sinclair spoke her name and her ears twitched, skull lifting. She could make out the fuzzy outline of his frame and she at least looked in his general direction. Damn sun. Rise already. Her tail flickered, the tip twitching against her flank. He voiced that he wanted to ask her something but instead of continuing, the Romani was greeted by silence. She tilted her head, silently encouraging him for a moment before she sighed softly and extended her neck out to him. "Life is short, precious. Ask, Sinclair. Better to live and know than to always regret." The words were remarkably soft and gentle but she already knew some of the bleakest moments of his life, how could a simple question be anymore difficult?


When he finally got it out, both of her ears swung forward and her eyes widened in clear surprise. For once the Romani was stolen of words. She had nothing to say and the spoken words completely blanked from her brain. She started to speak twice but both times were in her home tongue and she aborted both attempts, knowing damn well he didn't speak the language of her people. Finally she stood up, lithe body standing before him and she scrambled for English. "With you? What do you mean? Date? Proposal? In my caravan we date many at same time... together means proposal." A pause, her English was even more choppy under the circumstances and her accent was thicker. "What are you asking me, Sinclair?" Softer, she took a step towards him. She didn't want to misunderstand, not on something this important.

"Baby you should let me go, I'll love you through a periscope"

table ▶▶claerie. manip ▶▶ raven
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#5

Sinclair wished he was a man of words, one that could sweep her off her feet with easy and carry her into the life she deserved... but he was not. He was a man of silence and thought. A man of violence, of pain. He was a man not worth her time.

Yet here he was, wasting it.

An uncomfortable feeling began inside him as she coaxed the question from him, and when he finally spoke he could see the surprise on her face. She didn't hide it well, as she sprang from the grass and tried to speak. It would have been comical, if he wasn't so fearful of her answer. "With you? What do you mean? Date? Proposal? In my caravan we date many at same time... together means proposal." Sinclair's brow rose slightly and he thought about that a moment. He could not imagine such a life, he was a jealous being and he did not think he could date more than one woman.

"What are you asking me, Sinclair?"

The man drew a breath, unsure of what to say. He hadn't been thinking of something as serious as proposing, but he did not like the idea of her dating anyone else. If he was with her, he was with her and no one else... he moved closer and brushed his muzzle against hers before pulling away slightly to look into her silvery eyes. "I'm asking you to be with me and no one else. Not exactly a... proposal," yet he said with a small smile.

"You make me feel... things I don't think I've ever felt before," he said softly. He was not an emotional man, that much was obvious. He had always been broken, but nobody had ever cared to try and help him... they were keen to place a crown of evil on his head then walk away. There was just something about her that made him think maybe he could try and be better. "I don't want to make the mistake of losing you."

"..."
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#6



Faun rose and in a rare moment of vulnerability, felt her handicap entirely. She couldn't see Sinclair well enough to read the emotions that painted across his muzzle, all she had to go on was the tenor of his voice and the ebony brute didn't reveal much. Her tail curled, the tip twitching nervously against her thigh in quiet anticipation. She didn't understand entirely what he meant and instead of assuming or guessing that the vast differences in culture aligned perfectly, she asked for him to clarify and instead fell silent to listen. She liked Sinclair, her feeling teetered on the verge of a crush, but she wasn't ready for marriage, wasn't sure if she ever would be. There was too much emotion behind such a commitment and... her heart still bled from all she'd lost before.


He was silent, flustered maybe and Faun gave him the token moment to find words. When they came, her long ears twitched and unease settled in the pit of her belly. It wasn't that she didn't like Sinclair, she did but she wasn't really the committing type. Not anymore and what he was asking her felt big, a decision that would drastically alter her relationship with him and most everyone else. "You want me to be with you and no one else... and what of you? If I made such vow would you honor it with own?" Faun was fast to see he hadn't pledged himself to such a commitment and she certainly wouldn't even consider it unless all things were balanced. She wasn't a trophy. Beyond that, family was incredibly important to her, if she courted him, it would imply he was being brought beneath that umbrella and even that thought rolled her stomach. She couldn't protect them before, how had she changed to be able to protect them now?


He continued, his words so genuine and raw that it cut through some of her fear and insecurity and she relaxed if only just, letting out a soft sigh. "Sinclair... it's not-" She cut herself off, forcing herself to chose her words a bit more thoughtfully. She wasn't always great at English but he deserved for her to at least try. "I like you. I do. It's easy to exist and just be when I'm with you but I am..." She struggled to find words for a moment. "Not good. Not strong enough to protect family. Damaged by curse, not just scars, I'm afraid I'll go blind." These were things she'd never said out loud and the fear in her voice was tangible. "My family meant... means everything to me and I don't deserve to have that again." She swallowed her fear to focus on Sinclair. "You deserve more than I can give. Love, family and hope. I am not those things. I can't be." I can't lose everything again.

"Baby you should let me go, I'll love you through a periscope"

table ▶▶claerie. manip ▶▶ raven
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#7

"You want me to be with you and no one else... and what of you? If I made such vow would you honor it with own?" "Yes." he said with no pause, no hesitation.

He watched her closely as she began to speak, trying to choose her words carefully so that he might understand them. With each pause, he felt his breath stop and his gut churn uncomfortably. He didn't know if he was ready for what she might say. She claimed she was not good enough for him.

Sinclair felt himself overcome with surprise.

"I don't care about any of that," he said, drawing closer. He carried the weight of his own scars, his own damage. He could carry hers, too. "You don't have to be strong. I will protect you," he promised, pressing his muzzle against hers. Still, he wanted to be closer. He held his body against hers, embracing her and holding her close. "You do deserve it. You deserve it more than I do... I don't know if I can be the one to give that to you, but I want to try." he said softly. He pulled her closer. "Please..." he said, his voice somehow even tighter than his grip.

He had never been good at comforting others when his own demons ate him up inside; he didn't know how else to tell her that he didn't care about her burns, her pain, her sadness, or even if she went blind. They could share it, or forget it -- together.

"..."
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#8



He would hold himself to an equal vow and the commitment was made without hesitation. She nodded, accepting him at his word but found her stomach rolling in discomfort all the same. He was forcing her to confront her failings when she could still smell their burning flesh in the back of her nose and hear their dying screams on the edge of the horizon. She'd loved her family, from the newest pup to the eldest wolf who was slowed by arthritis, they'd meant everything to her and yet, when they'd needed her, she'd failed them. Every last one. She couldn't do that again, she couldn't love and lose and she was afraid, terrified that she'd find herself with more scars and an even emptier heart. She was cursed, the notion of family wasn't meant for her. She didn't deserve it.


He spoke that he didn't care, that he would protect her and a lump formed in the thick of her throat as he embraced her. She lightly pressed back against him but found herself beyond words for a long moment. Selfishly, she let herself impart comfort from his gentle touch. "But I do, I care so much it hurts. Every day. They needed me and I failed them. I am cursed to fail again." She'd convinced herself of that fact. "I cannot give you family, Sinclair. To be with me... you would just have me." She didn't really realize that she was crying, she was just overcome by all the emotions freight training through her, even still Sinclair squeezed her tighter and Faun turned her skull, burying her face in his fur.


"I like you, Sinclair, I love the way you make me feel, but I am scared." It was a confession, both pure and heart-wrenching, whispered into his fur like the raw secret it was. She was broken, disfigured in ways that she wasn't sure could be fixed and God only knew why Sinclair would even want to try.

"Baby you should let me go, I'll love you through a periscope"

table ▶▶claerie. manip ▶▶ raven
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#9

Sinclair was no good with words, he had none to calm her fears or ease her pain. He understood where she was coming from all too well. So he just held her and hoped that was enough.

He let the silence last for a few long moments, but not too long. He knew he had to say something. "I know," he said softly. "I don't need anything more than you," he promised her. He would not push for more. He didn't need more. He had already had a family; he already had children and he would not ask it of her if that was not her wish. If it turned out she wanted them later (though he was not really thinking that far ahead), he might consider it, but if this was enough for her now, it was enough for him.

He pulled away from her slightly, so he could look into her silvery eyes, and he hoped to have calmed her fears somewhat.

It was a strange sensation, upsetting her made him feel upset and he wasn't sure what to do with that. How was he supposed to react to that? He searched her face for some sort of hint, but wasn't sure if he'd find one. "I didn't mean to upset you," he said softly.

"..."
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#10



Faun trembled, her lithe frame fragile and soft as fear paralyzed her. The Romani was high spirited, filled with laughter and mischief, but beneath the lovely veneer, she was broken, picked clean by tragedy and loss that lurked in the shadows of her soul and kept her back from the more real emotions of life. Sinclair had begun to pick at the carcasses of those emotions and now finally he was confronting her with them. How could he love her, how could he adore her when she was this? He murmured that he knew and Faun pressed her skull a bit harder into his shoulder both relieved and destroyed. She was supposed to a beacon of easy light for weary souls, she wasn't the one who crumbled like ash and dust. It took her a long minute to get a hold of herself and by the time she did, Sinclair was drawing back.


She couldn't meet his eyes, her own skull was angled down in shame. His almost apology jolted her out of her emotional silence and Faun closed her eyes, taking moment to find her voice before she finally looked back up at him. "Not you. No apology." Her voice was raspy, rough from the tears but she meant those words. This wasn't because of him, she didn't cry because he'd upset her... all he'd done was be honest about his feelings. Faun would never fault him for that. "I'm the mess." The words were pushed out with muted, strained laughter and she lifted her burned limbs to paws at the tear tracks on her cheeks. That was enough of that now.


"You're more than enough for me Sinclair, more than I deserve." Faun murmured, her eyes softened both by the freight train of emotion and the sentiment he inspired in her. "I accept. I am yours if you are mine." It was selfish, so selfish of her, but she tentatively stepped forward and pressed her nose against his cheek, lightly nuzzling him in a gentle display of affection.

"Baby you should let me go, I'll love you through a periscope"

table ▶▶claerie. manip ▶▶ raven
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